Lifestyle No. 2

Put that behind me. 

ॐ

Living is Risky

There's something wrong. I can feel it. I don't know what it is, or why the feeling is even there- but whenever it haunts me, it's the worst thing. I cannot understand it. I feel like I'm dying. In a way, I am though, we all are... We are essentially just living to one day stop existing altogether. 

I do not fear death, I fear living. Living is waking up everyday so happily and so comfortably to one day just wither away- off into wherever, or even worse, nowhere at all. It's not that I sat no pondered this, it's pretty obvious and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has come to this realization. However,  I see it as a positive thing. There is a method behind madness, and life itself is a huge mad mess that we all have been summoned to figure out and endure. I think I've got it down, or I've got down what works for me, at least:

Let me just start off by saying, tomorrow I have a scheduled MRI test being done. Why? I may have some chronic type of disease that runs in the family  and is hereditary, there is no cure, and my great uncle passed away from it at age 35. My grandfather passed away from it at an early age as well...

Life is scary and living is a risk because tomorrow is not guaranteed and I my die in my sleep tonight, who knows. I try to see this as a literal reason to follow the infamous, but mad "live everyday is if it were your last." One day, it will be my last, and I will not even know it. 

It is so important for me no to regret things that are "done" and to only get done what I need to get done.   

With a limited time, every single thing in life becomes a due date. As the rush to get things done is flowing and irreplaceable time is ticking, I just need to remind myself that life is not school, there are no fucking due dates. Goals are not assignments, they are achievements meant to be achieved when deserved. Not when I think I'm ready to win the Nobel Peace Prize or a CFDA Fashion Award, but when I have worked my ass off and deserved to win it, I will. 

The weak believe that they can chase success.

The wise know that success chases their efforts.