Random Retrospect ||

It felt so surreal here, man. It felt haunting and empty and as much as the emptiness of vast nature scared me, it compelled me to believe that no matter what happens, I will always be on my own. To accept that was challenging and I teared up every mountain peak I went up. The view at the top has to make you cry. Everyone is afraid of being alone, I admit, so was I. But after some time, each peak and each setting of loneliness became familiar and "homey." I felt serene. I felt at peace. I felt as though there was really nothing to worry about in the whole world. Finally, I realized- what creates that sense of peace, serenity and bliss is loneliness. After putting that key in the lock- my thoughts were changed.

I had just found bliss.

My Love Is Work

I never was a fan of attention.

Never have wanted all eyes on me or any of that jazz.

I've always only wanted to be happy.

Attention does not equal happiness. Being recognized and "claiming fame" means nothing to me. That is just simply not my goal. As a designer it may seem a bit odd but I never got into the whole "I want everyone wearing my stuff" line that I hear in fashion school. It is not about how many people like it but more about who likes it. I want people to wear and treat my clothing as works of art. I am not trying to go into mass production. Nor am I trying to have my dress on the cover of Vogue. I am simply trying to create something new, something worth the wait, something so outstanding that it will catch people's genuine attention. 

Rather than marketing my apparel by hiring the trendiest celebrity name to wear my garments, I want for people to see my garments on a blank mannequin and just be drawn to it instantly. 

I do not need attention man, it is not necessary for me. I know that my work is great. The visions I have and the effort I have put, along with the good karma I have raised only empowers me to ride against the generic wave. 

I get so many ideas and so little of them are known by others. My family, my friends, nobody is aware of what is constantly going on in my mind. I do not need them to. For what? So that I can have eternal support? No. I am not looking for attention out of obligation. I am looking for true amazement. I do not expect anyone to like what I create or to dislike what I create. The opinion of that is on them- upon seeing what it is I have to create.

My love is work.

Random Retrospect

As many of you may know, I am not so fond of being on my phone. I am not Twitter famous, I do not have a Tumblr or Instagram. My Facebook is made for family and close friends. So I never really get the chance to scroll through my phone (pictures, texts, contacts, etc). So when I do, I guess I just now decided to simply post some interesting pics from my past.

 

I don't know- it's random but it's cool.

Smiling for me. 

Yup, I was mini- Lilo. Ohana.

Retail therapy is very much a thing. 

Everything is your fault

Sad? It's your fault.

Mad? It's your fault.

Happy? It's your fault.

These are the words and one of many mantras I chant on an everyday basis. It is not that these words give me power- it is that these words speak nothing but clear truth. Everything I do or feel is a reflection of me. I am the cause of my pain, my fury, and my joy.

I guess one could say, I am kind of in a relationship with myself. I have the power to keep myself overjoyed and blissful at all times simply by choosing the correct lens and perspective to see the world around me. At the same time, I have the power to corrupt myself with anger and sorrow. 

What is not needed, should not stay. And it is my job to get rid of it. Many people these days put a negative connotation to the words "get rid of"... But what if you're getting rid of cancerous cells? What if you're getting rid of what is holding you back? What if you are just simply trying to get rid of all the worthless junk which means absolutely nothing to you anymore, in order to create room for something that is worth storing forever?

I really want to have a huge library in my house someday. With all of my favorite stories and not-so-favorite stories from both my childhood and adolescence to my adulthood. It is sometimes important to show what your opinions and beliefs consist of. By keeping books I liked alongside keeping books I did not like, I can demonstrate that I have the power to throw any or all of it away at any time; just to buy more books, new books that I can read and grow a fondness for. 

Everything is my fault. And I have the power to get rid of whatever I do not need.